By understanding the language, culture, and experiences of LGBTQ+ people, you can offer the support your child needs to thrive.

It’s Okay Not to Know Everything

You don’t need to be an expert overnight. Ask questions respectfully and be open to learning.

Example: “Can you help me understand what this means for you?”

You’re Not Alone

Many parents have walked this path. Support groups and online communities can offer guidance and solidarity.

Be Mindful of Grief or Discomfort

It’s normal to feel a sense of loss or confusion, especially if your expectations for your child’s future are shifting. Talk about these feelings with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group—not your child.

Learn the Language & Use It

Familiarize yourself with terms like gender identity, sexual orientation, nonbinary, transgender, cisgender, pansexual, etc.

Use your child’s chosen name and pronouns—it’s a powerful way to show respect and belonging. (Pro Tip: Its okay to mess up and try again)

Check out the resource below for a reliable and up to date Glossary!

Myth: “Being LGBTQ+ is just a phase.” Truth: Sexual orientation and gender identity are core aspects of a person’s identity. While exploration is normal, many LGBTQ+ youth know who they are and need support, not skepticism.

Myth: “Talking about sex will encourage risky behavior.” Truth: Open, honest conversations about sex and relationships reduce risk. LGBTQ+ youth often lack access to inclusive sex education, so parental guidance is crucial. Discuss topics like STI prevention, consent, safe dating, and emotional health - check out other portions of this toolkit for help and don’t forget to include info on barrier methods (e.g., condoms, dental dams), PrEP, and testing resources.

Myth: “My child is too young to know their gender or orientation.” Truth: Many children and teens understand their identity early. Affirmation helps mental health and reduces risks like depression and self-harm.

Myth: “If I support them, I’m encouraging them to be LGBTQ+.” Truth: Support doesn’t influence identity—it protects well-being. Rejection increases risks of homelessness, substance use, and suicide.

Myth: “LGBTQ+ youth are more promiscuous.” Truth: LGBTQ+ youth are not inherently more sexually active. They may face stigma or lack access to safe spaces and education, which can increase vulnerability—not desire.

Myth: “Online communities are dangerous.” Truth: While digital safety is important, online spaces can be affirming and educational for LGBTQ+ youth. Teach safe practices like privacy settings, avoiding risky apps, and reporting abuse.

Myth: “They’ll grow out of it if I don’t talk about it.” Truth: Silence can feel like rejection. Open dialogue builds trust and helps youth navigate identity, relationships, and health safely.

Myth: “There are only 2 sexes” Truth: Sex is not strictly binary. While most people are born with male (XY) or female (XX) chromosomes, intersex individuals—those born with variations in chromosomes, hormones, or anatomy—exist and are medically recognized. Intersex traits are natural variations, not disorders. Read more from Scientific American

Myth “Gender ideology is extremely inaccurate and disconnected from truth” Truth: The term “gender ideology” is a political buzzword, not a scientific or medical concept. Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of being male, female, both, or neither—and it is recognized by major medical and psychological associations. Trans and gender-diverse people have existed across cultures and history. Their identities are not ideological, but lived realities.

Myth: “My son is gay and doesn’t need the HPV vaccine.” Truth: Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (MSM) are at higher risk for HPV-related health issues—including anal, penile, and throat cancers—than heterosexual men. The HPV vaccine is strongly recommended for all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation. LEARN MORE HERE

Talking about sex with your child can feel awkward and that’s normal.

Who Should Talk?

You, the parent or caregiver. Your child needs to hear from you—not just teachers or peers (or rumor mills). You are a trusted source of values, support, and guidance. If you're unsure how to start, consider involving a trusted healthcare provider or LGBTQ-affirming counselor.

What Should You Talk About?

Sexual health basics: STIs, contraception, HPV, HIV prevention (AKA - PrEP), and consent.

Inclusive topics: Same-sex/gender loving relationships, gender identity, body autonomy, and emotional safety.

Digital safety: Sexting, dating apps, and online boundaries.

Mental health: How identity and stigma can affect emotional well-being.

Pro Tip from CHOP: Use age-appropriate language and emphasize that everyone deserves respect and safety in relationships.

When Should You Start?

Early and often. Start before puberty and continue through adolescence and young adulthood.

Don’t wait for your child to come out—talking about diversity in gender and sexuality helps build trust and openness.

Pro Tip from Johns Hopkins: Ongoing conversations are more effective than one-time “big talks.”

Where Should These Conversations Happen?

In safe, private, and relaxed settings—like during a walk, car ride, or quiet moment at home.

Avoid high-pressure or public environments. Create space where your child feels comfortable asking questions.

Pro Tip: Consider starting the conversation with another activity to talk over such as a board or card game - this lets you all dip a toe in and back out to take a turn then lean in again. Also remember anxiety is contagious - What are you modeling for your youth?

Why Is This Important?

LGBTQ+ youth often receive less inclusive sex education and may feel isolated or misinformed.

Open conversations reduce risk of STIs, unintended pregnancy, and emotional harm.

Talking builds trust, resilience, and self-worth—especially in a world that may not always affirm them.

How Can You Do It Well?

Listen more than you speak. Ask open-ended questions like: “What do you know about safe sex?” “What kinds of relationships feel important or meaningful to you right now?”

This invites your child to share their thoughts and experiences without feeling judged or pressured, and it opens the door to deeper conversations about emotional safety, boundaries, and sexual health.

Stay calm and curious. If you don’t know something, say: “I don’t know. Let’s learn about that together.”

Healthy relationships are inclusive of LGBTQ+ people.

Healthy Relationships:

Ages 10–12 (Pre-teens)

Focus on friendship and respect: Teach that healthy relationships—whether friendships or crushes—are built on kindness, honesty, and mutual respect.

Model boundaries: Show how to say “no” respectfully and how to accept “no” from others.

Normalize diversity: Talk about different kinds of families and relationships, including LGBTQ+ ones, to build empathy and inclusion.

Ages 13–17 (Teens)

Discuss emotional safety: Help teens recognize red flags like jealousy, control, or manipulation.

Talk about identity and affirmation: LGBTQ+ youth may seek relationships where their identity is affirmed. Encourage them to expect respect and support from partners.

Support autonomy: Let them know they can come to you without fear of judgment if something feels off in a relationship.

Ages 18+ (Young Adults)

Encourage self-reflection: Ask what they value in a relationship and how they want to be treated.

Discuss healthy conflict: All relationships have disagreements—what matters is how they’re handled.

Affirm their right to joy: LGBTQ+ youth deserve love, intimacy, and connection without shame or fear.

Consent:

Ages 10–12

Teach body autonomy: Reinforce that no one should touch them without permission—and they shouldn’t touch others without asking.

Use everyday examples: “Do you want a hug?” or “Is it okay if I sit next to you?” helps normalize asking for and giving consent.

Ages 13–17

Define consent clearly: It must be enthusiastic, informed, and can be withdrawn at any time.

Talk about peer pressure: Help them recognize when someone is trying to manipulate or guilt them into something.

Include digital consent: Discuss sharing photos, sexting, and respecting privacy online.

Ages 18+

Reinforce ongoing consent: Even in long-term relationships, consent should be continuous and mutual.

Discuss power dynamics: Talk about how age, experience, or emotional dependence can affect someone’s ability to give true consent.

Take the ‘Are you in a Healthy Relationship?’ Quiz and Share it!

New to the concept of harm reduction? Quick summary, “Harm reduction is having what we need to be able to live safer.” - Syrus Marcus Ware.

Substances & Substance Use/Misuse:

LGBTQ+ youth may use substances to cope with stress, discrimination, or identity-related challenges.

Harm reduction means focusing on safety: open conversations, access to clean supplies (needles, sharps containers, naloxone), and nonjudgmental support. Pro Tip: Having access to supplies that reduce risk does NOT lead to increased risky behavior and yes its in the science. LEARN MORE HERE

Encourage honesty by avoiding punishment-based reactions. Ask: “What do you need to feel safe?”

Housing Insecurity

LGBTQ+ youth are disproportionately affected by homelessness due to family rejection or unsafe environments. You can disrupt those patterns by helping your child feel a sense of belonging at home.

Consider this: 28% of LGBTQ+ youth reported experiencing homelessness or housing instability at some point in their lives. LGBTQ youth experiencing homelessness are more likely to report engaging in survival sex, defined as exchanging sex for money, a place to stay, or to fulfill other basic needs. LEARN MORE HERE

Ask: “Do you feel safe where you’re staying? What would help you feel more secure?”

Sex and Dating

LGBTQ+ youth need access to inclusive sex education that covers consent, STI prevention, and emotional safety.

Harm reduction includes discussing healthy relationships, boundaries, and safe practices without shame.

Ask: “Do you feel respected in your relationships? Do you know where to get accurate info?”

Digital Safety

Online spaces can be affirming but also risky (e.g., harassment, exploitation, misinformation).

Teach critical thinking, privacy settings, and how to report abuse. Avoid monitoring—build trust instead.

Ask: “Who do you connect with online? Do you know how to stay safe if something feels off?”

Affirming Care Environments

Definition: An affirming care environment is one where healthcare providers:

1) Respect and use your child’s chosen name and pronouns.

2) Provide inclusive sexual health education and services.

3) Understand the unique needs of LGBTQ+ youth, including mental health, gender identity, and sexual orientation.

Your Role:

Seek out providers who are trained in LGBTQ+ health.

Ask questions like: “Do you have experience working with LGBTQ+ youth?” or “How do you ensure inclusive care?”

Advocate for respectful treatment and report discrimination or bias.

REMINDER: You Have Rights to Hire and Fire Healthcare Providers. Parents and youth have the right to choose their healthcare team.

You can switch providers if your child feels unsafe, misunderstood, or disrespected.

It’s okay to “shop around” until you find a provider who is affirming and informed.

Your Role:

Involve your child in the decision-making process.

Trust your child’s instincts—if they feel uncomfortable, listen and act.

Keep a list of LGBTQ+ affirming providers in your area or ask local LGBTQ+ centers for referrals. HERE IS OURS!

Confidential Care Rights

Youth have a legal right to confidential care, especially around sexual health, mental health, and gender identity—though laws vary by state.

Your Role:

Respect your child’s privacy and autonomy.

Learn your state’s laws about minors’ rights to consent to care (e.g., STI testing, birth control, mental health services).

Support your child in accessing confidential services when needed.

What to Expect During a Primary Care Visit (Sexual Health & Wellness)

Ages 10–12

Focus on body autonomy, hygiene, and basic anatomy. Begin conversations about respect, boundaries, and consent. Ask providers to use inclusive language when discussing puberty and development.

Ages 13–17

Expect discussions about: STI prevention (including HPV and HIV) Safe sex practices for all genders and orientations. Mental health screening. Gender-affirming care if applicable (e.g., puberty blockers, hormone therapy and available at state level). Encourage your child to speak privately with their provider.

Ages 18+

Young adults should receive: Comprehensive sexual health screenings. PrEP/HIV risk counseling (if sexually active). Mental health and wellness support. Gender-affirming care options. Support your child in managing their own healthcare and making informed decisions.